Nightmares
by thedawncourt
Summary: "And then . . . it was over. But she was still crying. The lump in her throat, the weight on her chest; they still threatened to kill her. To smother her. She felt so small. Aelin's eyes opened and she realized everything at once. It was just a dream." Two word summary? Rowaelin fluff. One-shot (Cover image by PhantomRin)


Darkness.

Darkness all around her, maybe she had gone blind.

Pain.

Her back had only ever hurt like this one other time. _Oh no, not this again._

Blood.

Her hands were slick with it. All the way from her fingertips to her elbows.

She gagged. She couldn't feel her body, she didn't know where she was or if every piece of her was attached. It felt like her back was pealing away. She wasn't going to make it. She was never going to get out.

She started to scream. Maybe somebody would hear her this time. Maybe somebody would finally have mercy.

The tears came and she couldn't stop them, even as she screamed and choked and coughed and heaved.

And then . . . it was over. But she was still crying. The lump in her throat, the weight on her chest; they still threatened to kill her. To smother her.

She felt so small.

Aelin's eyes opened and she realized everything at once. _It was just a dream._ There was a hand on her arm and another one smoothing down her hair, soothingly caressing her head.

She turned over to look at Rowan, worry written all over him. It was written in his frown. It was written in the uncertainty of his eyes. It was written in the stiffness of his body, not knowing if she needed space or if she needed comfort. It was written in the way his hands trembled, and Aelin knew it was with worry, but with something else too: he shook, because he wanted to take the pain away and he knew he couldn't. He shook, because it hurt him to see her in pain. He shook, because he was angry and trying to suppress it for her sake.

Aelin tried to take deep breaths, but it was hard when you where lying down on your side, so she sat up cross legged, the sheets bunched up around her.

She was too hot and the room was too dark. She got up and Rowan just watched her, probably wondering what he should do.

Aelin wasn't doing too well on the deep breaths front. The tears were still threatening and her breaths were shallow. She went to the first candle on the table near the foot of their bed and lit it with the flick of her wrist. But she didn't make it to the second candle on the mantel piece before the weight of everything came crashing into her. Aelin let out a pained choke as her head fell into her hands and the tears spilled down her face again. Just as her legs gave out, Rowan was there, holding her to him.

"Shhh, Shhh," He whispered to her softly. "It's okay, I promise. It's okay. I'm here."

He lowered them to the ground so heartbreakingly softly, always clutching her to him. He didn't bother to get them back to the bed, he just sat on the floor, his back pressed against the back of their sofa and cradled Aelin in his arms.

She cried. And cried and cried and cried. There wasn't anything she, him, or anyone else could do. Nobody could erase what had happened to her. Nobody could take away what it had done to her. She just needed to let it out, and so she did. Sometimes the only way to deal with pain was to accept it.

Rowan rocked a little, smoothing a hand down her back, and let her clutch his shirt and cry into his chest.

When her sobs still came, but gently then, he pressed a long, long kiss to her head and whispered in her ear, "What can I do to help, Fireheart?"

She hiccuped a little as she said, "Tel– Tell me something good?"

He smiled down at her and she knew that her nose was running, her cheeks must be flushed, her eyes red and her entire face puffy, but he looked at her as if her face held all the secrets of their world, like they were the answers to questions he never knew he had been asking. The look was pure love and unending wonder, as if he could stare at her forever and never tire of it. As if he would be content to spend the rest of his immortal life looking into her eyes.

She couldn't help it. Despite the wretched state she was in, she smiled up at him, and he smiled back. Which made her grin a little, which made _him_ grin. She already felt lighter. Warmer. Safer.

"So. Something good, huh?" He repeated, wrapping his arms all the way around her as she wrapped hers around him and rested her head on his chest.

She nodded a little.

"Well let's see." He thought for a bit, his eyes probably cast towards the sky. That's always what he did while he searched his mind.

"The first snow will be here soon and maybe, just maybe, I'll let you win a snowball fight this year." She scoffed into the crook of his shoulder, but he went on. "And then it'll be Yulemas, so we'll have the absurdly extravagant ball you insist we throw every year, but I can tell you that what _I'm_ looking forward to is our small private dinner on Yulemas Eve. You, Aedion, Lysandra, Evangeline and me. That's all I want. It's all I need. Just my family."

She looked up at his face staring down at hers, silver lining both their eyes and softly raised her mouth to press against his in a slow, gentle kiss.

She was a Queen and couldn't show weakness. She had to be strong, fearless, unyielding. A force to be reckoned with if she wanted to keep her power in this tumultuous world, and he was a legendary warrior who had survived the worst. Worse than anything anyone on the continent had ever experienced. But here, in the sanctuary of each others arms, they could be what ever they wanted to be. Here, they didn't need to put up pretence. They could be honest, vulnerable and no judgement would come of it, because they understood one another so completely. He didn't need to say anything. Aelin already knew.

Aelin pulled away after a long time, rested her head on Rowan's shoulder and closed her eyes while mumbling, "Keep talking."

He obliged.

"I'm taking Evangeline into the mountains and the valley around Orynth at the end of the week to show her more of the outdoors, teach her survival training and look at the stars away from all the light pollution. You're free to come along if you can, of course." Her head was starting to feel heavy. He planted another chaste kiss near her temple. _He would make a wonderful father_ , she thought sleepily.

He went on.

"Next month Dorian is tearing down the labor camp of Endovier, and I know that it's going to be hard for you to be there, to remember and to relive, but I want – I _need_ – you to understand: It's all over. I know you'll carry what happened to you in there with you for the rest of your life, because it has help shape who you are today, like everyone is shaped by their past. It's not something you'll forget or just move on from like it's nothing, because it isn't. It may haunt you forever and I know that's not a comforting thought, but you can and you will – I know you will, because you're the strongest, bravest person I know – you will learn to live your life at its fullest despite the horrors you've witnessed. You are strong, Aelin, the most tenacious, selfless, toughest person I know, and you need to know that it's okay to not always be those things. With me, you don't have to hide. I need you to know that I'm here and that you're not alone. You never will be, ever again."

They sat there for a long time, their hold on each other significantly stronger. Aelin couldn't think of anything to say. She was overwhelmed with emotion for this incredible being. This male who had helped her out of darkness, who had never once judged her for any of the decisions she had made in her life, who had helped her find the strength to become who she needed to be, who found her when she was lost and needed guidance. Her rock. Her sanity. Her best friend before all else.

With her words all gone, she just clung to him, willing him to understand how grateful she was. On the brink of sleep now, she very distantly registered Rowan shifting one of his arms to band across her back and the other beneath her knees, and gently – oh so gently so as not to wake her – he stood up, Aelin cradled to his chest, and started walking towards their bed. She lazily lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck to hold him tighter.

Rowan walked to her side of the bed and lay her down on top of the covers, then tried to yank them from under her so that he could tuck her in, but was having a bit of trouble, because of Aelin being on top of the duvet and all that. Aelin was too sleepy to care if he was actually jostling her around a bit. He would manage. She did roll over a little to make it easier for him, though, and he was finally able to pull the covers out and over – huffing a little as he did.

Aelin rolled to be facing Rowan's side and watched him from under heavy eyelids as he rounded the bed. She nestled into her pillow and frowned a bit at the cold of it. _How long had they been on the floor for?_

Rowan got into bed and they simultaneously reached for each other. Rowan stretched out his arm towards her and Aelin crawled to his side, her head on his shoulder – more comfortable and much warmer than that stupid pillow – while Rowan pulled her to him and traced slow circles on her back, while one of Aelin's hands rested on his chest to feel the rise and fall of his every breath.

Her eyes closed and his words were barely discernible as Rowan ducked his head to her ear and planted a soft kiss at her temple before saying, "One last good thing: I love you."

Aelin smiled and tried to say it back, but Rowan couldn't properly hear her inarticulate mumbling and then she was asleep, breathing steadily.

It was okay. Rowan didn't need to hear her say it. He knew it. And that was enough.


End file.
